Thursday, April 5, 2007

The Universe: out of Beta

Everyone else's computer is faster than yours.

It takes longer for your computer to fire up, and to shut down.

Of all your friends, acquaintances, and students, you get the most spam. If it were possible for computers to fart, your would. There are actually times when you think it does.

Your friends invariably find more interesting web sites.

Even though you have a respected back-up system which assures you it is on the job, you lose more really good material than anyone else you know.

Your friends, acquaintances, and students have better ideas than yours. Even an innocent question such as, where do you want to eat produces a better alternative.

All the teachers you know have more interesting faculty meetings. Some even serve sandwiches.

Everyone you know seems to have at least one extraordinary item of clothing from The Gap, Old Navy, or Ross.

Everyone you know seems to have just finished a book that is more interesting than the book you just finished reading.

Everyone you know seems to have time to read all the books they want.

It is not that you are defensive or self-pitying, or that you brood about your luck having run out or that you indulge in schadenfreude with anyone but the current President and Vice President of the United States. You have some understanding of the pulleys, wheels, and balances of the playing field.

You have a splendid dog, which is worth something, even though she does not always come when you call her as everyone elses' dogs come when called.

But when she does come, the sight of her running toward you, flat out and intent, causes you to hear the pulleys, wheels, and counterweights creaking and you know, you just feel that you are ahead on points.

No comments: