Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Interdisciplinary Studies

1. Even though you are not a vegan and have given scant thought to becoming one, it is best to order the vegan lunch at faculty meetings. Even when they mean well, the catering services can do just so many things to chicken.

2. While eating said chicken, it is wise not to consider the equation of what they could do to you if they could do THIS to a chicken.

3. They may try to cover up their tracks by giving the chicken some high falutin' name such as Chicken Torquemada.

4. As an undergraduate and worse, working summer jobs for your auctioneer uncle, you once had an long and unhealthy relationship involving the preparation for auction of a chicken-processing plant in Lancaster, not the more complex Lancaster of Pennsylvania but rather the Lancaster of southern California, which is of itself another unhealthy relationship.

5. Same uncle, some years later during the hiatus between realizing any money from short stories and pulp novels. Wilshire Boulevard (east-west) near Western Avenue (north south) midtown Los Angeles: the remains of a popular drive-in. Your mission impossible: remove from several commodious aluminum bain maries the dessicated remains of chickens. It is no wonder you are not on the best of terms with the chicken.

6. Trust the tale, not the artist, D. H. Lawrence warns us from the beyond.

7. If someone tells you That's not funny, it probably is.

8. Macaroni and cheese is perhaps the most overrated dish in the entire American cuisine. People come to it with expectations that cannot be met.

9. Mashed potatoes are the most underrated dish in the American cuisine.

10. There were moments during the debates when it was possible to see Hillary as a metaphor for the crook-necked squash.

11. Individuals spend a good deal of time and significant sums of money learning how to write but relatively little time or money learning to write for themselves.

12. More good stories have been ruined by too much thinking than by too much dialogue.

13. When Hawthorne wrote The Scarlet Letter, he was thinking about adverbs.

1 comment:

R.L. Bourges said...

-that would make chicken fairly problematic (maybe you should try it with john eaton's peanut sauce)
- never could find a mac&cheese that was really up there
- now, the business of Hawthorne and adverbs, I personally should perhaps probably (or is that definitely?) seriously give further thought to, eventually, maybe.

the word verification widget has this to add:

tacid (as in tacidly?)