Contemporary Values

1. If you give money to a homeless person, the individual will in return offer you blessings.

2. If you give money to a drug- or alcohol-dependent individual, you will be directed to have a good day.

3. If you give money to a faith-based individual or group, you will probably be offered absolution for something you did, thought you had done, or failed dismally to do.

4. If you give money to a politician, you will later be asked for more.

5. If you give money to charity, you will quickly be approached for donations from other charities.

6. If you give money to an organization specializing in animal welfare, you will receive written thanks on a card that is either signed with a paw print or by a mascot cat named Whiskers.

7. Depending on how much money you give to a college or university, they will either dedicate a tree to you, install an uncomfortable bench in your honor, or dedicate a building to you that looks like a mausoleum.

8. If you give money to the American Civil Liberties Union, you will receive a thank-you note, a warning that Bush and Cheney are still at it, and a self-addressed stamped envelope for another contribution.

9. If you donate to the Republican party, you will receive a thank-you note demanding to know what kind of American you are, waiting so long to donate.

10. If you donate to the Democratic party, you will receive a note from Terry McAuliffe, wondering why you didn't send it directly to him.

11. In many cases, you will be charged a service fee for withdrawing your own money from an ATM.


At the risk of sounding as though I were a Libertarian or a Republican, I remind you--remember, this is you, talking to yourself--that such as it is, it is nevertheless your money, to do or not do with as you please, but in today's social traffic, the perception increasingly becomes that it is their money, which you in your intransigence are withholding from them