Thursday, May 12, 2011

Proof of Intent

Something is wrong with the server hosting your blog, causing it to operate at the moment in a read-only mode meaning you can read other blogs, but cannot post new material on your own.

Something similar has come to pass over the years you were with this practice and this format, earlier versions causing you a sense of desperation at the thought of a break in your consistency.  Over the years, the despair has turned to anger, reminding you of the times when events prevented you from taking your daily run and, later, your daily swim.

Habits of active construction are hard come by, the more so because you realize how important it is to you that certain of your habits be exercised daily.  You have written a good deal today, but like the fact of your animus toward Blogger dot com simply because it threatened to interrupt your habit is an animus that pleases you because it serves to ratify who you are and what you do; the outer world has nothing to do with it—this is you for yourself.

At some point, your server will be open and you will be able to post this and you will be able to fiddle with the time of posting so that it will appear to have been posted within twenty-four hours of yesterday’s brief essay-for-blog.  You did not fiddle with the date on this, which is your revenge because you have figured the way how to not let a little thing such as a server being incapacitated interfere with your own internal rhythms and whims.

Knowing how to manipulate the system in this manner is a matter of some comfort to you; it is proof of your growing habit of letting nothing stand in the way, of seeing not only priorities set into habit where you hope they will gel, but of taking your pleasure in them as they continue to define you.

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