Thursday, May 19, 2011

Will Work for Story Concepts

   You have sneaked up on another dichotomy relating to story, the first portion of it being when you can scarcely wait to get to the keyboard or a pen and note pad to begin drafting out your argument for or against some notion that has you now eager to argue.  The other side of the duality is manifest when you are coming to the note pad or the keyboard with no such dynamic at all, waiting for something to arrest you.

Thus you are either proactive or reactive to a swarm of stimuli.  It seems so much easier to come to work motivated, your mind and senses having chewed on something for a time.  But it is beginning to strike home that, scary as it is, you think there are better results when you think yesterday was your last day, only you didn't realize it at the time because you were too busy writing.

It is not an easy feeling to have that sense of separation from your toolkit and all your individualized maneuvers, to have told all your jokes, made all your observations, and now you are empty to the point where it is as though your interior landscape is like some of the ghost towns you have visited, places where there once was life and commerce and agenda but now only traces, shadows, dust.  You have been in social situations where you felt embarrassed to the point of humiliation because you had no response, no idea to venture,no clue.  It was beyond not knowing where the fish fork went in relation to the salad fork or the desert fork, it was the utter sense descending upon you that were you to be asked your opinion or for a fact or an example, you would have nothing to offer but silence and a squirm or two in demonstration of your complete lack.

The only confidence you have in bringing yourself in contact with such awareness is because of the times you have found ways to wriggle past the door, thinking yourself so beyond the point of trying to wrong the metaphoric final lemonade from the lemon that you are back into your process without realizing it.  Naturally you suspected this approach had nowhere to go--naturally you were wary of traveling abroad with nothing,no opinion,no vision, no urgency.

It means you had a successful day yesterday and are still recovering.  Soon there will be opinion again; soon there will notional mischief, clambering to get out, but it is important that you not be permitted to take this for granted.

While you are in this exhausted state, scarcely able to bring forth a single thought, it is possible that someone will say or ask something that triggers a response in you, and you will be able to respond.  Nice when it happens, but you cannot assume there will be someone to ask the proper question of you or make a triggering remark.

You are at the mercy of your process.  The best thing you can do for it is trust it, next best thing, read like hell.  Also effective:  listen to conversations about you.  Also try wanting something tangible, something a step or two above mere idea or concept.  With your mind's eye, take pictures of this reality in which you find yourself, sometimes like those unfortunates who stand at freeway exits with hastily scrawled signs pleading for help; their signs are financial, yours are dramatic.  

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