Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Candidate Debate II

Okay, we'll get right to the James Lipton identity questions: Who are you? What do you want? What are you willing to do to get what you want?

A: You didn't know, did you, that I was James Lipton's daddy's editor? Lawrence Lipton. Pretty fair writer.

Q: Aren't you avoiding the questions?

A: Oh, right. Yeah. I'm um, your Inner Undocumented Alien. I want a green card. I'm willing to do the work you won't do.

Q: How did you, er, get in?

A: Yeah, man. You've got some pretty wild-assed defenses. I climbed fences, scuttled along tunnels, swam way off shore. I also got in once when you had that guest worker program.

Q: And so you think that qualifies you for a permanent visa?

A: I get to thinking, man, that I'm good for you. Irreverence and stuff, like when you get all pompous and Republican.

Q: Explain yourself. I've never once voted Republican.

A: Man, I was there with you when you voted for Arnie in the recall election.

Q: That was different. Davis was acting entitled.

A: So do you, man.

Q: He was getting pompous.

A: So do you, man.

Q: What's your take on The Social Contract?

A: Where do I sign on?

Q: What's your take on gated communities?

A: Man, the whole country's a gated community. You gotta be quick to slip through the cracks.

Q: So, what kind of work are you willing to do?

A: What you got, man?

Q: Well, I see here that on November second, I'm supposed to do an hour-and-a-half gig at the Victoria Theater on Two Ways to Add a Professional Edge to Your Fiction. I can't imagine what I was thinking when I gave that title.

A: So you want me to handle it for you?

Q: Will you?

A: What's the pay, man?

Q: Satisfaction. You get the satisfaction of a job.

A: See what I mean? Republican. Pretty soon you'll be wanting to segregate the writers, get 'em bussed over to camps which you'll call something like Creative Camps.

Q: Do you often take things out of context?

A: Only when dealing with the likes of you, man?

Q: Well, do you want the job at Victoria Theater?

A: Is that anything like that Summer gig you got me at the University for thesis advisement?

Q: More or less.

A: Hey man, I gotta bail you out to stay here, I guess I bail your sorry ass out. Once more unto the breech, dear friends.

3 comments:

Lori Witzel said...

Reminds me of one of my selves. She's cooler, and tougher, than I.

(And impossible to call on cue, but always turns up when she's needed.)

John Eaton said...

Reminds me of playing a gig over at Hilton Head (SC) once at a bar notorious for cheap rich and expensive drugs.

The bartender said, "You guys are really good, but can you play it a little bit faster?"

He was from Ireland.

John :)

Lee's River/Zlatovyek said...

some day, i will have a life again. When that happens, i will sit in solitary splendor at my desk and savor all your posts, one by one, like so many pomegranate seeds. Instead of trying to gulp them down at the library computer. oy. some day. soon? Who knows? As the resident philosopher at FRANCE TELECOM said this morning: what is "soon", and to whom?