Interview # 2

Interviewer:  So far as we have been able to determine, the oldest written examples of exploits were fragments of your adventures,  Do you think history has given you a fair shake?

Gilgamesh:  What fair shake?  Bunch of damned paparazzi and worse.  Couldn't even get the spelling right on my name.  I tell you, it has not been an easy time of it, scribes coming out of the academies, wanting to make a name for themselves, first thing they do, King Gilgamesh is not a righteous dude, knocking of a monster here, taxing a village to death over there, despoiling countryside I never even saw.

Interviewer:  If you had the opportunity, how would you present yourself?

Gilgamesh:  Well, given my background and all--you know--two-thirds related to gods, Dad being Lugabanda and all, and having had a big impact on pretty well caused what is now Iraq to be dug up all to hell and gone, which, incidentally, I visited, couple of times, actually, I more or less like the idea of rebranding myself as that guy, whatsis name?  Wrote a book about his exploits.  Decision Points, it was.

Interviewer:  You can't mean--

Gilgamesh:  Yeah.  Guy got out of the military with some flimflam about the National Guard.  Hell, man, I invented the National Guard, did you know that?

Interviewer:  But seriously.  Decision Points.  That was written by--

Gilgamesh:  Man, you don't want to go around believing everything you believe was written by everyone you believe wrote it.

Interviewer:    You mentioned having traveled to the underworld,

Gilgamesh:  Yeah, and when I got back, there was that big cuneiform tablet, Mission Accomplished.  I want you to know, I had nothing to do with that.  Not my idea.  You're a king, it's got to be like modest, understand.