Interview #4

Interviewer:  Do you feel your biblical name might have been a disadvantage to your career?  Might you have been influenced by the military and kingly implications?

Ahab:  Listen, in those days, when I was, you know, starting out, biblical was all the rage.  King James Bible this, prophets that.  I took some ribbing because of my namesake's wife.  Hey, Abe, so how's Jezabel these days?  But I gave back as good as I got.


Interviewer:  Wasn't that, in fact, your driving personality trait, giving back as good as you got?  And while we're on the subject, I see here you were raised as a Quaker.  Raised in America.  How do you account for your overarching quest for revenge?


Ahab:  Fucking whale.  I'm supposed to sit still for that?  You let some whale get away with such crap, biting off legs and all, they'll be back menacing ships of all sizes, the owners won't stand a chance.

Interviewer:  You forget the sailors.

Ahab:  They're used to getting fucked over.  Free market means free market, right?

Interviewer:  Things certainly haven't gone your way, and yet, look what a symbol of determination you've become.  Do you think you'd have remained so popular over the years if you hadn't lost out in the end?

Ahab:  Always thought it would have worked better to have found that whale before it found me, kick its sorry ass, then come home to Nantucket with this big sign, Mission Accomplished, spanning the entrance to the harbor.  That would have been a real triumph, but I'll say this, old Melville certainly knew his way around story.  People can't help reading it his way and thinking about what might have been.


Interviewer:  As in, Mission Accomplished?


Ahab:  As in, Mission Accomplished.